ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i love accidental penises.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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