he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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