god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
