I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you made out with another girl for some wings
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
