remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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