ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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