I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
