those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
