just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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