3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
