she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
