party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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