There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
