Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
