just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
