Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
