i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
