My pussy is not your playground.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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