Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
