sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
