God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize