All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
