Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
