My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
