I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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