Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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