Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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