I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
