PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
