Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
