Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
