my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
