Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
