They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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