3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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