I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
