Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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