The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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