you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest