it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling