I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
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I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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