I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".