my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
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Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
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I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever