I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.