you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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