it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
