Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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