Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
