just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
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Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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