My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
