Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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