Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think my moral compass just broke
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