the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
