He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
