I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Randomize
