my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
