remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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