If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
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You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
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He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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