You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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