if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
