I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We have started to decorate penises.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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