There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
