The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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