Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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