but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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