So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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