After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
