dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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