Three words: puerto rican gang bang
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
