I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My ass is underappreciated
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize