It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
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Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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