I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
