omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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