You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
