Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
