i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
