I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
